Questioning the Wits of the Republican Party

I’m going to make a few blanket statements about my political philosophy: I’m not a Democrat. I’m not a Republican. I just loathe idiots, and the Republicans have more of them.

Before I get started on this, let me first explain that (as best as I can) I am not talking about making any judgments about a politician’s morality, or even his or her platform/political objectives in this piece. 

I am talking solely about their intelligence as a human being, and their ability to comprehend and espouse basic facts that anyone running for the office of president should know. 

Yes, I would love to sit here and type out a magnum opus about how John Boehner is an idiot because he still believes in the use of trickle-down economics in a stagnant economy and doesn’t believe in climate change. 

But that doesn’t really make John Boehner an idiot.  It just means I consider him wrong on issues that I have deemed complicated and controversial, but already proven by mountains of evidence.  The idiots I’m going to talk about are simpletons who can't spell the word potato.  Because I have to respect someone enough first before I can take them seriously enough to judge them as wrong.

And yes, calling someone an “idiot” is a judgement.  I know this.  But let’s try to distance the emotion from the word and look at this logically.  An idiot is someone who appears utterly foolish by making factually-incorrect statements and actions that defy conventional wisdom.  And we all do that from time to time.  But you don’t get a reputation as an “idiot” unless you do these things on either a regular basis, or on a grand stage.

And politics is a grand stage where idiots regularly come out… but the list of Republicans is longer.

Dan Quayle was largely considered an idiot

He couldn’t spell potato, and practically made “standing by misstatements” a job as Vice President of the United States.  And he was the biggest political joke around, until his boss’s son took over the country and said so many stupid things that he got a one-a-day calendar for all of them.  Unfortunately, I couldn’t afford the calendar, because I was working hard to put food on my family.

After Bush, there was the potential Vice Presidency (and/or Presidency) of Sarah Palin, who was obstinately proud of her lack of knowledge when it came to reading, Supreme Court decisions, or… the English language, frankly. (Although, to be fair to her, “refudiate” probably should be a word; or, at least, it should enter the lexicon slowly, through other idiots, the way sportscasters made “commentate” a word)

Now we have several Republican candidates for President.  And, to be sure, there are some idiotic things coming out of their mouths — like whatever the hell Rick Perry is mumbling as he caresses a bottle of syrup.  These people are not making the occasional political "gaffes" — these are regular occurrences.  And I would love to list or link to all of them, but Patch’s blog recommendations say I shouldn’t exceed 800 words.  (Which I did anyway. Sorry, )

But there’s also a new breed of idiocy that Republicans seem to be piloting, which is PLAGIARIZED idiocy.  Herman Cain (who is still, technically, a candidate) pushed his 9-9-9 tax plan, which may or may not have come from the video game “Sim City.”  And Newt Gingrich seems to have gotten his ideas on child labor laws from Mugatu in Zoolander.

Is this the era of bold, new stupidity in the Republican Party?  God, I hope so.  Because I might vote for Mitt Romney if he goes with a plan to balance the budget based on the scheme from Superman III/Office Space

But, look, all joking aside, I do not want to feel that I am smarter than the President of the United States. 

The President of the United States should be a genius. 

He or she should be the crème de la crème of human beings residing in this country.  And say what you will about the policies of Barack Obama, I know for a fact that he is smarter than I am. 

Based on some of the things Herman Cain said prior to suspending his campaign, I not only know I’m smarter than Cain, I am wondering if he even understands some of the issues well enough to take a stance.  His responses to questions on Libya and abortion provide pretty solid information that he’s not the crunchiest pickle in the jar.  Furthermore, I wonder if Michele Bachmann knows basic facts about the history of the country she is campaigning to run; or that Rick Perry knows the age to vote, or even remember what his own plans to run said country would be. 

But, most of all, I wonder if the Republican Party can field a responsible, respectable, intelligent candidate for President; because, if not, America is going to be a dangerous, dangerous place.

And if one party is going to act so stupidly that I feel that I have no choice but to vote for the Democrats by default, then we’re becoming a one-party system.

And that’s really not funny.

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James Thomas December 20, 2011 at 04:46 PM
Why didn't you apply these same criteria to the current President of the United States before you voted for him?
Patrick Giusto December 20, 2011 at 08:10 PM
Feel free and list all of the things that Barack Obama did and said on the campaign trail that were similarly idiotic-- as per my definition above. And who said I voted for Obama? Is that in this piece somewhere? Or are you so concerned with your political pre-suppositions that you are simply making up reality to suit your needs?
James Thomas December 22, 2011 at 08:41 PM
Well the 57 States he visited and the "Special Olympics" crack come right to my thoughts but more are available at http://politicalhumor.about.com/od/barackobama/a/top-10-obama-quotes.htm. You are correct that I assumed that you voted for President Obama. Your disdainful tone on all things Republican did lead me to think it was unlikely that you voted for McCain. So does that mean you didn't vote?
Patrick Giusto December 23, 2011 at 02:30 PM
The "57 states" thing is the closest thing on that list to anything I would consider idiocy- although I would probably chalk that up to him being tired rather than stupid. The rest of those are jokes that weren't funny, taken out of context, or file under bias. For example, they list "I think when you spread the wealth around, it's good for everybody" (to Joe the Plumber) as #5. That's not idiocy (the way I explain it). That's a poltiical philosophy- and a popular one at that. You may not agree with it, but it's not STUPID in terms of being factually-incorrect. And I was very clear in explaining that premise in my John Boehner paragraphs. But if you are hell-bent on believing that Barack Obama is somehow equal in his lack of intelligence-- not his political philosophies-- to the above candidates, you go ahead and believe that. I would guess you're probably going to find that you're on a short list of people who pay attention to politics and think like you, though. As far as who I voted for, that's my business. I will say I take interest in all candidacies and evaluate them in a painfully-researched and objective manner. The tag line to this blog (re: I'm not a Democrat, I'm not a Republican, etc.) spells out my political philosophies. And you should get used to my disdainful tone if you're going to read my blogs. Having said all that, thanks for reading, and your comments. I really do appreciate anyone who takes the time to comment, whether I agree or disagree.


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